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Tuesday, October 08, 2002
WEINKOPF.COM FOOTBALL POOL WEEK 5 UPDATE CRUISIN' FOR A BRUISIN' 
The most photogenic couple in all of Santa Paula, Tim "Bruiser" and Kelly Nicely. HE LOOKS LIKE such a nice guy, doesn’t he? Not a “Bruiser” at all! In fact, he is a nice guy, one of the best. Yet in this week’s edition of the Weinkopf.com Football Pool, Tim “Bruiser” Nicely lived up to his name, smacking around the rest of us like he’s Marcellus Wiley or something. With the lone exception of At Least I’m not a Zebra Elizabeth, who put in an awesome 75 points, Bruiser bruised and outclassed the rest of the group by a mile—scoring more points in Week 5 than he did in week one through four combined! The OTW? All of which would make Tim look like the obvious choice for next week’s One To Watch honors, but it’s not quite so simple. One strong week does not an OTW make. The OTW has to be a real threat, someone on top of the heap or reasonably within striking distance, about to shake things up. Bruiser had a great week, but he’s still in last place overall, and he hasn’t given us any reason to worry—yet. Same holds true for Mrs. Zebra, who has been clamoring for the designation. The OTW title, after all, is first and foremost a hex, a way to level the playing field when a single player looks like he’s ready to plow his way down it. Thus One to Watch honors necessarily remain with Glen “The Fifth Beatle and Loving It” Cohen, who came in third on the week with 64 points and sits alone in first place overall. He’ll keep the designation for as long as it takes the hex to do its magic. Honorable mentions While some of this week’s top performers—like the 5th Beatle, New York Lancers Dave, and Stinky Cheese Tara—are consistent top-ten mainstays, many others were surprises. Most notably, of course, were Bruiser and Zebra, but also When’s Baseball Season Start Bob (51), Blitzburgh Brawler Ben Kepple (62), Spurrier Fan Cris (51), Barrio Bravo Matt Rubush (61), Cappuccino Commando Charles (54) and Padawan Ebin, who is the pride of pre-school with 58 points on the week. But the momentary success seems to have gone to the Brawler’s head. He now boasts about the Steelers hopes of going 8-8. Now, now, Ben—really? The Squeelers are1-3, to go 8-8, they would need to win 7 of their next 11. That seems unlikely, even if their quarterback is among the very best—in the XFL. Still, 8-8 is possible, especially in the miserable AFC North, where 8-8 would probably be good enough to clinch the divisional title. But I’ll make a bold prediction right now: The Cinicinnatti Bungles will beat the Squeelers in at least one of their two meetings this season. Your read it here first! Don’t Put Money on That Not that I’m one to be making any predictions, after scoring a dismal 33 points on the week, my worst total of the season. Just about everyone beat me this week—yes, including Ebin and Brother Bob, who turned in all his picks before Week 1. The only saving grace is that I just barely managed to beat defending champion Jersey Girl Cris with 28 points. That raises an important question: Who will be this week’s One Not To Watch? The designation did its wonders last week, bumping little Ebin from an horrendous 12 points in week 4 to a respectable 58 in week 5. Whom should it resurrect this week? Answer: Yours Truly, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan. While Jersey Girl’s week 5 performance was even worse than mine, she doesn’t need the help anywhere near as much as I do. I have scored in the 30s three out of five weeks. Besides, she’s the champ, so we can’t afford to cut her any slack. Speaking of Champs … What’s wrong with the Mighty Mighty Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots? Two straight defeats following a near-defeat against KC. The defense can’t stop anyone; the offense can’t score. And Drew Bledsoe is looking pretty darn good in Buffalo, although he had some classic Drew-in-the-headlights fourth-quarter picks and sacks that cost the Bills the game against Oakland. But alas, there’s nothing to fear. Last year at this time the team was 2-3. So, we’re on pace for an even better season than last, and we all know how that one turned out! Flipper Lynn (who came in third to last this week with 30 points—ouch) had best get her laughs in now. The Pats save the best for last. As for the Fins, well, when was the last time they won a game in December, or played one in January? (Sorry Lynn! We’ll have to get together for the next Pats-Fins game December 29, but it might need to be in the maternity ward!) Family Feuds Time for updates on some of the pool’s intra-familial battles: Brother vs. Brother—Barrio Bravo Matt bested Hail to the Redskins Scott Rubush for the first time this week, bringing the season tally to Scott: 4, Matt: 1. Brothers-in-law—Baseball Bob has beat me again, taking a 3-2 season lead. Marital Bliss—Zebra Liz trumps Grogan’s Heroes Kenny for the first time, but trails him 3-1 on the season. Father-son-picnic—Padawan Ebin bests daddy NevadaNiner Jason, going up 3-2 on the season. Stay tuned … It’s just getting interesting. Can The Fifth Beatle hang on? Can the Brawler live up to his boasting? Are Bruiser and Zebra for real? Will the Mighty Mighty Pats and their mighty mightiest of fans ever recover? Answers to all these questions and more in Week 6 of the Weinkopf.com Football Pool! Yours, Chris, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan |