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Wednesday, November 27, 2002
WEINKOPF.COM FOOTBALL POOL WEEK 12 UPDATE: LIFE IS A TURNPIKE 
Fans across the Garden State beeped their horns Tuesday morning in celebration of Jersey Girl’s third-consecutive victory. CAN SHE BE STOPPED? For the third straight week, Jersey Girl Cris, the defending champion of the Weinkopf.com Football Pool, has torn apart the competition and claimed top honors. She now rests a mere 8 points out of first place behind WildStyle75 Stacey, who—mark my words—will in no time complain that her late-season collapse was the fault of confidence points and a corrupt, patriarchal order. And she might have a point. With a wretched 37 points on the week, the confidence system obviously did little to improve the prospects of our falling leader, whose own sense of confidence must be crumbling fast. Then again, with five successful picks this week, it’s hard to see how WildStyle would have won under any regime. It was, however, a brutally difficult week, as evidenced by Jersey Girl’s 76 points—a decent total, but hardly staggering for a 16-game week, and a 32 point drop from the 108 points she scored in Week 11. Still, that was more than enough to win, to terrify the rest of us, and to keep her firmly locked in the One To Watch spot. To celebrate her triumph, we feature in this week’s update some sights from that most picturesque testament to all things Garden State, the New Jersey Turnpike. Where have I been? Before proceeding any further, I should apologize for getting in this week’s update so late. What can I say? It’s a holiday week, meaning I had to do the amount of work I usually do in five days in three. I know, I know, a lame excuse, but surely you can’t blame me for not wanting to get to the business of this pool—after all, look at how I did. After a so-so, 4-3 start in Sunday’s early games, yours truly, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan proceeded to lose 9 in a row—that’s right, every late game, the Sunday night game, and MNF. It put me at a dreadful 37 points and second to last on the week.  Da losers
If misery loves company, I can take some comfort in the knowledge that Schizophobes Glen bungled the latter games every bit as badly as I did—mediocre minds, apparently, think alike. Still, we’re just glad to see him turn in his picks on time. Welcome back, Glen. Pathetic though our performances were, the worst of the worst in this week’s contest belonged to Brother Barrio Bravo Matthew Rubush, with 27 points. Matt managed to pick just two games correctly. Fortunately they were the one he assigned 15 and 12 points. Still, he hangs on in the Top 10 at ninth place, 12 points ahead of Stinky Cheese Tara, who scored a solid 62 on the week, and a single point behind Spurrier Fan Cris. On the plus side, he’s the pool’s new One Not To Watch. Spurrier Fan, NevadaNiner Jason, and At Least I’m Not a Zebra Elizabeth were the week’s other disappointments with 38, 39, and 39 points respectively. 
Biggest disappointment of all: Blitzburgh Bonehead Ben Kepple, who once again couldn’t manage to get in his picks, even though he assured me he would Friday night. If there’s justice in this world, it’s that Ben’s alma mater, the University of Michigan, fell to the academically and athletically superior Ohio State University on Saturday. Da winners True, there’s no prize for second place, but we do like to honor the also-rans around here, those good enough to hold their own against Jersey Girl, but not good enough to beat her. This week they include: Hoboken Orphans Chris (68) and Cappuccino Commando Charles, who, with 68 points, benefited nicely from the ONTW rabbit’s foot. Nice try, guys. Familial Smackdown Biggest joy of the week: Seeing Brother Brother “When’s Baseball Season Start?” Bob’s random-picking scheme fail him again, netting him a piddly 36 points—which, sadly, was still enough to beat yours truly, giving him an 8-4 lead over the season. Contrary to what I have been writing these last several weeks, that is not, however, enough to clinch a season victory—there are 17 weeks in an NFL season, not 16. So, as long as Bob hasn’t reached win #9 I’m still (barely) alive. 
“Hail to the Redskins!” Scott Rubush put in a ho-hum 45 points this week, which was more than enough to demolish his foundering little brother Barrio Bravo Matthew, tying up the season at six wins apiece. Grogan’s Heroes Kenny—who will surely delight in the Mighty Mighty Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots’ throwback uniforms on Thursday—scored 43 points this week. That was enough to defeat Mrs. Zebra once again, and take an 8-3 season lead. Finally, Padawan Ebin (49) continues to own his old man, NevadaNiner Jason (39), and has now taken an 8-4 season lead. Bad fan alert Arguably to my own detriment, I have picked the Mighty Mighty Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots every week this year, in part out of unmerited confidence, but also because I don’t want to give myself any reason to hope for anything less than my team’s overwhelming victory. If this last week is any indication, fellow Pats fans in the pool—Grogan’s Heroes Kenny and Stinky Cheese Tara—are doing the same. But that’s not to say there aren’t some bad fans in the pool, those who’d sell out their own teams just for a shot at bolstering their standings. To name names: Flipper Lynn dissed her beloved Dolphins this week and picked San Diego (big mistake). Spurrier Fan Cris and Barrio Bravo Matthew both betrayed their Redskins in favor of the St. Louis Lambs (another mistake, and one that “Hail to the Redskins!” Scott had the decency to avoid.) And NevadaNiner Jason picked the Beagles over his team by the Bay—a good choice, even if a traitorous one. Q &A Last week’s questions: Will Flipper Lynn, the perennial fifth-placer, ever win a week? Magic 8-Ball says: DON’T COUNT ON IT. Will Schizophobes Glen get his picks in on time? Yes! He did! Now, can he pull it off two weeks in a row? Will Barrio Bravo, on a roll and now in eighth, crack the top five? Ay carumba, Barrio Bravo’s roll has come to an ugly end. Now, for this week’s parting thoughts: Is Jersey Girl Cris unstoppable? Will WildStyle75 keep on crumbling? How low can Bob go? Ponder those imponderable over your turkey dinner, and have a great Thanksgiving! Yours, Chris, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan PS—Be sure to get those picks in before 9:25 PT Thursday! Monday, November 25, 2002
GIVE TREES A CHANCE Based on the amount of hate mail I've received today, you'd think I advocated paving the earth in this week's Daily News column. In truth, all I said was that if a tree stands in the way of necessary development, it's best to let the tree go. |
