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Wednesday, December 11, 2002
WEINKOPF.COM FOOTBALL POOL WEEK 14 UPDATE: SPLIT PERSONALITIES  The better side of Schizophobes Glen -- the one who gets his picks in on time -- rolled over the competition, again, in this week's Weinkopf.com Football Pool.
IT'S been something of a Jekyll and Hyde season for Schizophobes Glen, this week's winner of the Weinkopf.com Football Pool. When he gets his picks in on time, he's phenomenal, averaging 61 points a week -- just behind WildStyle75 Stacey and Jersey Girl Cris, who average 65 and 63 points, respectively. The problem is that on two weeks this season, he neglected to turn his picks at all, which is why, even with the drop-one rule, he's only in twelfth place, and not in the top three. That said, in Week 14, the pride of New Canaan, CT, was in rare form once again. By scoring 101, he joins Jersey Girl as the only pooler to crack the century mark in a single week. Along with WildStyle, the three are the only Poolers to take top prize in three separate weeks. It makes us wonder what he could have done with a little more consistency ... Changing of the guard Don't look now, but Jersey Girl (88) has officially overtaken WildStyle75 (70) for first place. (Stacey's complaints about the inherent evil and unfairness of confidence points are expected to arrive at any moment.) That means that in the five weeks since I suggested putting her face on a milk carton, the defending champion has jumped an awesome eight places (calling to mind another defending champion that initially struggled but is now on the rise, the Mighty Mighty Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots). Clearly, even though she seems to thrive in the spotlight, we have no choice but to make her the new One To Watch. Let's just hope that the hex has regained its power. If last week's OTW, Bruiser Tim (who scored a relatively low 63) is any indication, it already has. Like fish in a barrel ... That 63 points is now considered low gives us some indication that Week 14, like Week 13 before it, was an easy one. Keep in mind that your's truly, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan, won Week 9 with 68 points. This week, poolers ran up points like Ricky Williams runs up yards. As if to prove that the One Not to Watch title is still a priceless lucky charm, last week's ONTW, Hoboken Orphans Chris scored a gaudy 98 points, which put him back in the Top Ten and, on most other weeks, would guarantee a graphic at the top of this page. That honor could have easily been his, except that he was the lone pooler to pick the pathetic Buffalo Jills over the Mighty Mighty Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots, costing him the 4 confidence points that would have put him ahead of Schizophobes Glen. Once upon a time, cracking 90 points in a single week was a rare feat. This week, in addition to Schizophobes and Hoboken Orphans, two other poolers hit that plateau: Brother Barrio Bravo Matthew Rubush (94) and NevadaNiner Jason (93). And four others (besides Jersey Girl) were able to score 80 or better: Stinky Cheese Tara (85), Grogan's Heroes Kenny (85), yours truly (80), and Padawan Ebin (87). Baseball season is so over The bizarre bit of luck that once put Brother "When's Baseball Season Start" Bob in first place has clearly worn out. Our random-picker scored just 53 points this week, and sunk to sixth place overall. If there's any justice in this world, he'll be out of the Top Ten by season's end. Up and comers With Bob's collapse, Flipper Lynn has finally climbed up to fourth place from her long-term perch at fifth. Bob's demise has also propelled Barrio Bravo into the elite Top Five. Joining the Top Ten is Spurrier Fan Cris, who takes the place of fellow Spurrier fan Brother "Hail to the Redskins!" Scott Rubush, whose meager 45 points put him in last among poolers who actually got their picks in this week. If there's any consolation for Scott, it's that the rabbit's foot is all his. He is our new One Not To Watch. Dysfunction central Scott's collapse has given Brother Matthew a 8-6 lead in the Rubush Family battle. Baseball Bob's collapse has given hope to my struggle against my undeserving brother-in-law. I now trail him 8-6 on the season. NevadaNiner Jason continues to stay alive against Padawan Ebin, who is leading his son -- you guessed it -- 8-6 on the season. The only intra-familial skirmish with a score other than 8-6 is the lovers' quarrel between Grogan's Heroes Kenny and his wife, At Least I'm Not a Zebra Elizabeth. By beating the missus 85-72 on the week, Kenny has taken a 9-4 lead, clinching a season victory. Elizabeth is playing only for pride now. Toddler alert Sigh, three-year old Ebin is only three points away from overtaking yours truly ... As for last week's question's: Can Grogan's Heroes Kenny hold off Bruiser and hang on to his spot in the Top Ten? He did, thanks to the OTW hex. Will Cappuccino Commando Charles make all his picks this week? Um, actually, he made none of his picks last week. Charles, buddy, you still there? Which intra-familial contender will clinch a season victory first? It was Kenny. Who next? And this weeks ... How many poolers will Ebin humiliate by season's end? Can Schizophobes Glen put himself back in the Top Ten? Are WildStyle Stacey's championship prospects doomed? Stay tuned and find out! There are only three weeks left to the season, so make them good ones! Yours, Chris, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan DECONSTRUCTING NORMAN MAILER There are all kinds of War on Terror conspiracy theories out there, but the best one yet comes from Norman Mailer -- we're going to war because we're hung up on sex. In this week's FrontPage column, I try to make sense of it all. Monday, December 09, 2002
HEADLINE ON The online version of this week's Daily News column is inextricably truncated. Oh well, you can read the piece -- about California Democrats' sinister plans to hike the car tax without the constitutionally mandated two-thirds legislative majority -- here. |