WEINKOPF.COM FOOTBALL POOL WEEK 5 UPDATE:
THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE
 Even if the Tampa Bay Buccaneers hadn't choked in champion style last night on MNF, this week's winner, Stinky Cheese Tara still would have come out on top. But Peyton Manning and the Colts' historic comeback proved to be the odiferous cheese on top of the, um, bagel (it's a bad day for metaphors), piling eight more points onto this week's winner's gaudy 75-point total.
After a slow start, the Dairy Queen has had a solid two weeks, with 61 points last week. She is on the rise, and clearly -- drum roll please -- this season's first official One to Watch.
OK, SO THEN ...
Who is the season's first One Not Watch, you ask? Easy. Geoff "Go Lions! No Really'' Brown, who, despite an impressive third-place overall position, is in the midst of a major skid. Just look at Lion Man's (with all due sympathies to Sigfreid & Roy) performance over the last 5 weeks. After starting off with a hot 104 and 93 in weeks one and two, Geoff has scored 59, 52, and 48 in the three weeks since. This is what we call a Gray Davis-worthy steep decline. It ain't looking pretty.
Nor is it looking pretty for Flipper Lynne, a perennial top-five player last year who languishes at the bottom of the pool, behind only Dave "Why nots" Coher, who neglected to turn in his picks on two separate weeks. Flipper can't even keep up with the precious Mighty Mighty Monniemoo, who, at nine months of age, at least has an excuse.
But the real disappointment of the week was Glen "EVEN MORE DISTURBED!" Cohen, who put up a wretched 20 points on three correct picks. Disturbing, indeed, but Glen's a natural -- he'll bounce back.
WHERE OR WHERE HAVE THE PAST GREATS GONE?
Five games into the season, and Jersey Girl Cris and past champions Stacey "WildSytle75" Pressman hover at a 10th and 11th place. How the mighty have fallen! But you'd be a fool to underestimate players who can rack up a lot of points in a hurry -- just ask John Gruden.
BTW, in case you're wondering why we haven't heard from WS75 in the blog yet, it's because now that she's an ESPN celebrity, she's under insane scrutiny from a perverted, maniacal fan base, likely to stumble upon this site by googling the phrase "STACEY PRESSMAN NAKED" -- although they will be sorely disappointed when they do!
Maybe we need to give WS75 a new moniker, and protect her identity?
Anyway, welcome perverts! Hope you enjoy watching our pool!
KIDS, GLORIOUS KIDS
Super Batman Ebin Hirschman and Mac "I Can Throw the Ball!" Scagel tie for top honors in the kiddie pool this week, narrowly defeating the MMM. That puts the overall kids' tally at: Mac, 3.5; Ebin: .5; Monica: 1.
FAMILY MATTERS
I have been remiss so far this season about many things, most especially posting updates on intra-family rivalries. So here goes:
HUSBAND v. WIFE: Kenny ``Grogan's Heroes'' Scagel bested missus Lone Star Lizzie to take 3-2 lead on the season. And Kelly VV Nicely -- despite giving birth only a week earlier! -- laid the smack down on husband Tim Nicely for Governor, cutting her deficit on the season to 3-2.
CLASH OF THE COUPLES
For five straight weeks, the combined scores of the Scagels have beat the combined scores of the Nicelys, allowing the Fort Worth duo to shut out their Santa Paula counterparts, 5-0.
BROTHER AGAINST BROTHER
Take that "An Unverified Groin Injury" Bob Smiley! Yours truly, the Mighty Mighty Pats Fan has whooped up on his brother-in-law to go up 4-1 on the season. (As "Iron City Steel Co." Ben Kepple might put it: "Groin injury, I'll show you a groin injury!") And among the Rubushes, Un Dia Normal Matthew trumped Hail to the Redskins Scott, whom he trails 3-2 on the season.
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Now for some closing questions:
Can NinerInchNails Jason hang on to first place?
Can a slumping Spurrier Fan Cris stay in the top ten?
And if God is a Dallas Cowboy Fan, why is Rob Hays doing so badly?
All this and more. Stay tuned, and blog away!
Yours,
Chris, the MMPF
posted by Chris Weinkopf @
3:29 PM
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10/7/2003  |
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